Romantic Comedies

I should write them. For a living.

Seriously. People love this stuff. It's insane.

It's so classic that it's almost more classic than Phil (Hangover reference- anyone? anyone?)

I think that romantic comedies are good for the world. Not in a "this-movie's-cutesy-sentiment-could-cure-cancer-and-turn-a-serial-killer's-heart-pure" kind of way, but in the way that when you're having the worst day in the world, a happy ending for an adorable, yet fate-battered couple can do the trick.

But this post is not to rave about the bad day/rom com relationship. On the contrary- I'm going to smash through romantic comedies like Godzilla wrecked Tokyo.

Not because I hate them (I don't. I'm a current offender of eating brownies in my pajamas while wishing that I could be Julia Stiles in "10 Things I Hate About You).

Not even because I just saw one that I particularly disliked (which I did).

But because this is my blog. And I can.

1) Ridiculous Premises-

Now. Let's think about the last time you fell in love with someone who completely bothered you for most of the time that you'd known them (I'm lookin' at you Letters to Juliet). That's right. I'll bet it was never. Because unless annoying people with attitude problems who constantly put you down are your idea of Prince Charming, that would absolutely never happen. And it wasn't like you found them charming in the first place and then they annoyed you and then you forgave them; it's like that one guy who refuses to back off even when you're having a bad day. *Sigh* True love.

2) The Best Friend (Female)

I have yet to see a romantic comedy where the best girl friend of the leading female isn't a completely one-dimensional idiot who is also insatiably horny. Either that or they are really negative about everything. They either push their friend to go out to bars and meet men, then leave their friend when they find a one-night-stand on their own, or drink heavily and whine about how "Mr. Right just isn't out there. Give up. Drink up." For some reason, this is always the case in romantic comedies, and if you think about it, would you really want to end up with someone whose best friend is a total killjoy/slut? Aren't we taught that we can judge a person's character through the characters of their friends? And yet, men in romantic comedies are unfazed; they're so head over heels in love that they seemingly don't acknowledge the best friend at all, or they ask them for advice about their beloved (bad call, male lead), or find them endearing (which they definitely are not.) And don't you just feel bad for the best friend? She's wandering around but never gets a happy ending, and yet her best friend ends up in the perfect situation. How nice.

3) The Best Friend (Male)

Dude. Stay single. But bang that chick, she's hot.

OR

Dude. My girlfriend and I have been together forever and she's the love of my life and I wouldn't change a thing because I'm entirely whipped and haven't even glanced at another girl since high school.

Here's what romantic comedies have taught me. Either the guy best friend is taken and therefore gives the most insightful relationship advice to his friend to get the girl or they are as one-dimensional and sex-crazed as the female's best friend (can you say double date? eh? eh?) OR they are way funnier and have a better personality but are significantly less attractive than the male lead (because that happens in real life. extraordinarily good-looking people often are friends with ugly people because of their personalities. ha.) Honestly, I prefer the best friend to the "hero" sometimes (oh hello Ron Weasley...you read my blog?) and I'm sure that other ladies out there do too, because I wouldn't want to meet a guy who's so entirely clingy that he can't leave me alone, stalks my work, and waits outside my window until I finally agree to go on a date with him (unless it's you, James Marsden...all these famous people read my blog!) and neither would anyone else. Let's be real, here.

4) Aesthetics

Someone raise their hand and tell me the last time they saw a gorgeous single man who looks like Matthew Gray Gubler (are you sensing a list of my celeb crushes?) or Joseph Gordon-Levitt in real life. Nobody? Okay how about a woman who resembles Jessica Alba or Emma Watson trolling around with all of life's troubles on their shoulders? Yeah. Exactly. Nobody is out in the world who is that beautiful and also hopelessly lost in the romance department. It just doesn't happen. That's nature. And for all the Rom Coms who try to make their story "relatable," you are failing miserably. The single people of the world aren't young Brad Pitts and Angelina Jolies. They're that guy from your math class who sometimes doesn't shower and the woman on the airplane reading Twilight fan-fiction. Oh, and me (for the record I dislike math and Twilight). May the force be with us and our ridiculous expectations because of your misleading, false premises.

5) The Breakup/Makeup

Classic situation. Boy meets girl. Boy wrongs girl in publicly humiliating way, such as writing a newspaper article about her before he got to know the real her (finger is now pointing at you, 27 Dresses). Girl forgives boy. No harm, no foul.

^ this situation is wrong. obviously there has been a foul, and plenty of harm done. But Rom Coms suggest that all women, in the end, are pushovers and therefore can be wronged because, hey, it's true love.

Under this topic I'm also going to add the classic misunderstanding, such as in Letters to Juliet or any other movie when the girl sees the boy with another woman, freaks out, and later finds out that it's his cousin. Or a girl kisses another boy only to realize that he's not the one, but instead the other guy who's waited all along is! Happy day! ...except not. because you had to make out with someone else to realize they weren't for you. Do that enough and what do you get? A bad reputation and possibly Mononucleosis.

IN CONCLUSION

Romantic Comedies are made to make lonely/sad people feel that there is hope out there with a beautiful man who is tough, but sensitive, handsome, but nice, and who can change.

Does nobody watch House anymore? People rarely change.

Not that I don't believe there isn't someone out there for everyone, but if you're inside all day long watching tear-jerkers about your favorite fictional couple, how are you ever going to meet them? Have some sensible expectations and attainable goals.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go watch 500 Days of Summer.

*steps off of soapbox*

Thank You.