Read to Impress

Sounds backwards, right? Like, for real, who reads anymore? What is this, like 1990?

Psh. Books. Knowledge. Overrated, for sure.

But let me tell you a little secret, my scoffing compadres: reading makes you smarter.

Being smarter means you know how to spend your time better. And if the old adage "time is money" is true, then you just got richer, my friend.

Yes, I, Ms.Oh-my-god-don't-come-near-me-with-that-math-book just created an equation. It was a worded equation though, which means that it's not nearly as hard to bear as one which involves numbers...and now I'm rambling.

Smart people are impressive.

(I do have a point, I swear.)

And as we embark on our adventures to our respective colleges, impressing our peers is a major goal on our list of dreams. What better way to go about this then combining it with the dreaded Move-in Day?? How, you ask? Here's how:

1. Buy impressive books.

Anybody can read Star by Pamela Anderson, or Miley Cyrus's book (which, really, shouldn't have been written in the first place, but I'll hold my tongue.) Go for something classy, yet enjoyable. For instance, I like poetry and recently purchased Immortal Poems of the English Language. Classy. Sophisticated. Impressive.

2. Pack your impressive novels and novellas in a clear box.

This is the simple way to draw attention to yourself, you obvious little bookworm, you.

3. Show that you're flawed. In an adorable way, of course.

I know what you're thinking- this is all great and stuff (eye roll), but how is it going to help me impress someone of the opposite sex (if you catch my drift)? Simply show your cute, clumsiness by dropping said box at the feet of someone you find attractive. *NOTE: do NOT do this in an obvious way, such as blatantly kicking the box over or picking it up and flipping it upside down so its contents fall to the ground. This will result in people either thinking you are having a temper-tantrum or that you are angry at literature for being literature. Either way- not good.*

4. Pick up said books in a cute way.

"Oh geez, I'm so clumsy, sorry! I hope my copy of The Fountainhead didn't knock you out; I know it's super heavy, I just love the story though. It's such a classic. *smile*" See? Done. Already that person is thinking, "wow..smart and not a total loser! I think I like them..."

5. Pick up your books and start a conversation.

No way! You liked Crime and Punishment? I thought Raskolnikov's complete disregard for the rest of society was so interesting in regard to his morals....we should grab coffee sometime and talk about it! In the meantime, you might like this book- it's about the first death row inmate exonerated by DNA evidence. The author has such a good understanding of how societal pressure can jeopardize the justice system. BAM. instant connection.

Once you've done all of these things, give yourself a pat on the back. You've convinced someone of your academic integrity and extreme knowledge of literature! Now you're a shoe-in for being invited to study groups and group projects. Hooray for you.

Now go read a book before people find out that you're a moron.