The Online Dating World...of Finding A Roommate?

YEA! You did it! You finally made a college decision and got your parents to buy you a hat, scarf, shirt, gloves, and a poster to let everybody know that you, yes you, are going to yet ANOTHER school! But now it's on to the next step--finding a roommate:

Ever since we stepped into the 21st century, the adaptation of technology has been on the rise.

First, people "reconnected" via e-mail or websites like Facebook and Myspace.

Now, colleges want in.

Currently, people all over the nation (and I suppose globe as well) are searching for that "special someone" that won't steal your stuff when you move into your dorm room...or set it on fire.

So how do you go about this?

Well, it's all about putting yourself out there.

You take a survey, and it "matches" you with some other poor, lost soul who needs a roomie.

and then...the introduction.

I'm no professional, but here are 5 tips featuring what not to do when testing the waters with a potential roommate:

1. Do not start by saying something that is going to make somebody want to hurt you.

For example: "WUT UP!!! ELONNN what whatttttt--wanna room!?"

Also, and this may be just a personal thing, but if I don't know you, don't start out by calling me "girl." It's a little weird. "hey girrrlllllll I see we're going to the same college!"

yes. yes we are. But are the 3 r's and 26 l's in girl really necessary?

2. When someone asks you what you're like, just as if you were ACTUALLY scoping out a potential date, leave the weird shit out of it. I mean, be honest, but if you like to pretend your stuffed animals are people and you make clothes for them and take them with you everywhere... keep it to yourself. (and don't message me. please.)

3. Don't seem too eager. and i'm totally an offender of this, but if you're constantly calling/texting/liking someone's wall post (and you don't know the person that posted it) you've taken it a little too far... easy there, tiger.

4. Don't talk about your boyfriend/girlfriend too much. Nobody wants to feel like they're going to gain a roommate AND their significant other. Are they going to be in the room all the time? Can they not touch my ramen noodles? k thanks.

5. Keep the haha's and the colon p's to a minimum.

"yeah my little brother recently had to have his arm amputated; it's so sad"

"OMG HAHAHA that sucks...:("

not okay. I understand the awkwardness of talking to a new person "omg do they like me?"

but please please remember to only use emoticons and lol/haha's when they're appropriate.

So good luck, fellow adventurers.

And remember, delve into the uncharted roommate waters carefully, because even if you don't end up rooming with your current "maybe", chances are you'll end up being in a class with them, or living on the same floor.

So refrain from being even the slightest bit rude/questioning when someone tells you that they still like to ride a tricycle around their house because it "reminds them of the good old days."

Or that they have their own youtube channel featuring "My version of Star Trek."

(Unless that kind of thing is super impressive to you)

My Beef With Noise Machines

There is a reason that white noise is used in horror films.

If memory serves me correctly, "White Noise" is actually a horror film.

So why do people insist on using it on noise machines to fall asleep?

I have no problem with a nice ocean noise, like waves crashing, but white noise?

Do you want me to have nightmares about demons crawling out of a radio? Thanks.

When my mom took me to visit Indiana, she pulled out a little machine and turned on white noise. I turned the knob, thinking (stupidly) that maybe if i turned it the noise would change.

But no. It just got louder. WHY. WHY would someone make a noise machine that is only white noise?! I want to meet this person, and berate them for such an idiotic idea.

White noise.

It's the thing that people hear when the cable goes out and they cover their ears until they can reach the remote to flip the damn thing off.

It's what you hear when you turn the radio to AM instead of FM (& let's face it, who likes AM?)

It's the last thing that guy in White Noise heard before he died.

It's not what any sane person should want to fall asleep to.

And that, that my friend, is my beef with noise machines.